This list is not complete without Reggie Rogers

As I was killing time before the upcoming gut wrencher that the Red Wings game will most likely be, I ran into an interesting article. Page 2 ranked the "100 Worst Draft Picks Ever" today. The great State of Michigan was well represented, as you might think. I thought I'd touch base on those who were drafted by or played with, at one time or another, teams from the mitten.

94. Joey Harrington, Detroit Lions (No. 3, 2002): Why do I have this nagging feeling that Joey Blue Skies will pull a couple of Rich Gannon-esque seasons out of his ass somewhere down the line? Must be the pessimistic Lions fan in me.

85. Andre Ware, Detroit Lions (No. 7, 1990): Look under "System QB" and you'll see Ware's and David Klingler's picture in the encyclopedia. But everyone was wrong about Ware, just go back to Joe Theisman's ESPN draft day raves about the Lions taking Ware. Then again, it was Joe
Theisman...

83. Chuck Long, Detroit Lions (No. 12, 1986): The wrong QB with the wrong coach in the wrong city at the wrong time. Long may have had a chance if he had been drafted by another organization, as the Lions were in the midst of the awful Darryl Rogers era. Long threw for a TD on his first ever pass from scrimmage. It was all downhill from there.

82. Matt Anderson, Detroit Tigers (No. 1, 1997): Octopus toss, nothing more needs to be said. Well...other than he threw the straightest 100 MPH fastball ever, which would then leave the park at 110 MPH. Lesson learned, never ever take a closer with the 1st overall pick, especially one with a violent octopus throwing motion.

81. Desmond Howard, Washington Redskins (No. 4, 1992): Despite his lack of success at WR in the NFL, I have a soft spot for Desmond. His catch that beat the evil empire that is Notre Dame is still burned into my memory to this day. One of my happiest moments as a Michigan fan.

79. Joe Smith, Golden State Warriors (No. 1, 1995): Does anyone else remember Smith spent 1 horrible season in Detroit? Anyone? I think every one of us have wiped our memories of the George Irvine led Pistons. Seems longer than 6 years ago, doesn't it?

73. through 56. The first 18 picks of the 1983 baseball draft (With the 15th pick, the Tigers took pitcher Wayne Dotson): Just one of the first alarming signs of the long downward spiral of the Detroit Tiger farm system.

37. Any Michigan running back - For example, 1st round picks Chris Perry (2004), Tim Biakabutuka (1996), Tyrone Wheatley (1995), Jarrod Bunch (1991) and Butch Woolfolk (1982): Almost as disappointing a group as the Penn St. backs that were listed. But the book is still out on Perry, Wheatly has had a long journeyman career, Woolfolk was a decent situational back for the Giants, Timmy B couldn't stay healthy for more than a game or 2 at a time, and you have to admit that it's insane to draft a pure fullback in the 1st round, as the Giants did with Bunch. Who knew that Bunch would be much more successful as an actor than a fullback?

15. Darko Milicic, Detroit Pistons (No. 2, 2003): Just like the rest of you, I'm sick and tired of talking about Darko, let alone debating how large a bust he'll be considered.

7. Charles Rogers, Detroit Lions (No. 2, 2003): A Sparty that liked bong hits a little too much? Sounds like most of my Spartan friends back in the day. Fortunately for them, they weren't the #2 overall pick in the NFL draft.

6. Robert Traylor, Milwaukee Bucks, (No. 6, 1998): Any Michigan fan could have told the Bucks that Traylor wasn't worth that high a pick, unless it was for an eating competition. And to give up Dirk Nowitski for him? Talk about twisting the knife. Tells you all you need to know as to why we are bored stiff with the current Pistons - Bucks playoff series.

After reading the article, I had one question. Where's Reggie Rogers? A 7th overall pick in 1987 who ended up in prison convicted of 3 counts of negligent homocide should make any draft bust list. Unfortunately, it's nothing you would want to joke about, which is the likely reason Rogers was omitted.

We can only hope that the upcoming 2006 NFL draft will not give us another name to add to the list.

The MSM gets it wrong again...

Accoding to reports out of Arizona, Steve Nash is purported to be named MVP of the NBA. What the hell? Nash doesn't know what defense is, let alone try to play any. Just take a look at the stat line from the last matchup between 2 MVP candidates.

Steve Nash: 13/9/2, 4-11 FG, 1-5 3pt

Chauncy Billups: 35/5/4, 12-23 FG, 5-7 3pt

Pistons 109 - Suns 102

'nuff said...

It's déjà vu all over again...

It was 2:07 am eastern. I was deliriously tired. And the Wings had just lost in 2 OT's, 4-3, after a furious 3rd period comeback. You know what was running thru my mind? The lyrics from an old Aerosmith song.

It's the same old story, same old song and dance, my friend.

Let's look over the same old song and dance play list, shall we?

The Wings fanbase overly exhausted and somewhat delusional due to the asinine 10:30 pm start? Check.

The Wings goalie being outplayed by the opposition's unhearalded goalie? Check.

Wings fans wondering if the backup goalie is now a better option? Check.

The Wings outshooting the other team, yet having very few actual scoring chances? Check.

The best player on the Wings being a 41 year old with 1 good leg? Check.

That 41 year old getting hurt? Check.

Losing damn near every face off after said 41 year old was hurt? Check.

The checking line and role players doing most of the scoring? Check.

The Wings all stars and sure fire Hall of Famers not scoring, save for Zetterburg? Check.

The Wings not playing with a sense of urgency till they were down 2 goals? Check.

The Wings having trouble with, despite all denials from the Oilers that it's not, a trap? Check.

The entire city of Detroit now in panic mode? Check.

The opposition team's fan base saying the seires is over? Check.

Calmer heads in the media and both fanbases stating the series is far from over? Check.

Dude, I'm having a flashback. It's 2004. No, 2003. I know, 2002! Wait, is it 1997? 1998? You get my drift. It's playoff hockey. Games like this happen. The Wings look great, then average, then clueless, then great again, sometimes all in the the same period, let alone same game.

There is one big ass elephant in the room people are just beginning to acknowledge when it comes to goal. Do you sit Manny Legacy, who has been average at best, and awful at inopportune times, and insert Chris Osgood between the pipes? If so, is that the end of Manny in Detroit? Personally, I'd start him, but I sure as hell have Manny on the shortest leash possible. And it most likely is the end of the road if Manny is benched. He'll join the list of Red Wings goalies banished from Detroit, previous playoff success or not, never to be seen again. Essensa. CuJo. Cheveldae. Stefan. Rutherford. Giacomin. Hanlon. Vernon. The list is endless. Unless you have the 9 lives of Osgood, that is...

Am I disapointed in the Wings performance so far? Hells yeah. Is the series over? Far from it. The Wings looked dominant thru the majority of both OT's. A bounce here or there, and we aren't even talking about this. But Thursday's game looms huge. Wings win, I think they win the series in 6. Wings lose, and you may be reading my obituary on the 2006 season Friday.


It was 2:07 am eastern. I was deliriously tired. And the Wings had just lost in 2 OT's, 4-3, after a furious 3rd period comeback. You know what was running thru my mind? The lyrics from an old Aerosmith song.

It's the same old story, same old song and dance, my friend.

Another national nightmare is over!

As I'm watching the Wings game last night (more on that, later), I flip to ESPN News to check out the scores. And what do I see on the crawl? Brett Favre says he's coming back to the Packers. As a Lions fan, I say, YES!

Packer fans are deluding themselves if they think the aging and innefective Farve under center is going to make much difference. The Pack should expect another 25-30 interceptions as Farve continues to believe he's still a 29 year old all-pro gunsliger, rather than the 36 year old average, at best, QB he is now. Despite what Favre might think, he doesn't have the arm, or team around him, that allows him to get away with throwing into double and triple coverage anymore, and get away with it.

Sure, Favre has earned the right to end his career his way. But to drag out this decision as long as he did wasn't right. How committed to the coming season is Favre if it took this long for him to decide to come back? It has all the signs of someone playing out the string to get paid.

Favre or not, the Packers are still a bad team, worse than the Lions.

Worse still will be the media's fellating of Favre all season in what is most likely his last. Be prepared, as the Favre retirement tour will be thrust down our throats. I know that one man in pacticular, known for his massive Favre man-crush, cannot wait to roll about in Favre's juices one more season.


I hope you're happy, John. Because it's going to be a looong Favre-centric fall for the rest of us...

My experience in independent filmmaking

I touched on this last night, in that I mentioned that I was short on time. The reason? I had just finished my duties as music wrangler / cinematographer / director on my middle school aged niece's "Say no to drinking" magnum opus, so I wasn't in the mood to go into elaborate detail about anything. For you parents out there, I'll add that I held my tounge, and did not expound to my young niece on the joys to be found in the occasional libation. It was her artistic vision, I was just there to make sure it was recorded for all posterity, and help her get a passing grade.

So what did I learn during the making of an independent film a school video?

1. It was damn hard to find soundtrack music that didn't say how much fun drinking can be. The best I could do on short notice (ie: looking thru the 15 gigs of music on my PC) was George Thorogood's version of John Lee Hooker's "One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Beer."

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
No I ain't seen my baby since a nigh' and a week,
Gotta get drunk man till I can't even speak
Gonna get high man listen to me,
One drink ain't enough Jack you better make it three
I wanna get drunk I'm gonna make it real clear,
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

With lyrics like those, I think about the indestructable 19 year old I once was. I hate to admit it, but George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers were the soundtrack to many a long night of youthful debauchery. Thing is, to this day, much like Pavlov's dog, whenever I hear any Thorogood song, I want to crack open a cold one... Honestly, after messing with the camera for an hour and a half, I needed a drink. Desperately.

2. A 13 year old teenage girl giggles incessantly, requiring retakes. Many retakes.

3. Write your script on only one side of the paper! I take it that's something they cover on the first day of "Screenwriting 101." Unfortunately, my niece hasn't had that class yet... It made for some interesting edits when my niece's script needed to be turned over so the "Actors" could read their next line. As cinematographer, I was too worried about stopping the camera at the correct time than keeping the damn pitcture framed correctly. Again, this is probably not an issue for cameramen in Hollywood.

4. Don't use a 9 year old to hold up the script like a cue card. She became bored after 5 minutes and wandered off to watch Nicktoons. Instead, use a chair or other handy item, as inanimate objects don't need to watch "The Angry Beavers."


5. When a 13 year old writes a script, you have to pad the action to reach the 3 minute mark set by her teacher. The first attempt we sped thru and got us to all of 1:30. To stretch my niece's vision at least another minute required much ad-libbing and pregnant pauses. We came up with our own version of "Sit Ubu, sit. Good dog" for kill the last 15 or so seconds. Hopefully the teacher wasn't too upset that my niece pretended to take a long swig from an unopened beer, and then said, "Just kidding, (giggle) this has been a (name withheld to avoid embarassment) production. (giggle)" But it got us to the magic 3 minute mark, so screw what the teacher might think!


6. Make sure the camera battery is fully charged. Luckily, I scrounged an extension cord. Did Tarantino start like this?

7. Check the lens cap! I was lucky, it was off...

8. Make sure you don't misplace the video tape you plan on using. Kids today... //shakes head//

9. My niece was insistent on using "fin" as the final title card to her film. Personally, I thought it was pretentious. I preferred, "The end?" No convincing the screenwriter though, as she thought "fin" was funny.

10. Now I know why they get the big money in Hollywood. Flimmaking, even on the smallest scale, is a total pain in the ass.

Quick hits

The Pistons toy with the Bucks and win game one going away. What's the most straight to the point recap of the series so far? SI's Kelly Dwyer put it most succinctly.

Holy crap, Detroit is good.

Yes. Yes, they are.

The Wings play with a lack of urgency, and two sloppy givaways allow the Oilers to win game two, 4-2. The headline to the Little Fella's column said what we all feel.

Panic in Detroit? Not yet. Time to worry? You betcha!

Worried? Yes, we are.

But enough playoff banter for the time being, as I'm short on time tonight.

You know what really has my goat? What's my beef? A couple of things set off my BS meter today. First, WXYT's Big Show with Art Regner and Doug Karsh had a hot hot hot topic during their first hour of their show. Was it the Pistons win? No. The Red Wings loss? Not today. Was it the Tigers winning ways during their west coast trip? Nope. They decided to spend an hour talking about...The new version of Monopoly that has different cities on rather than streets, and why Detroit is not on the game board. Huh? It was the worst hour of radio since Mike Stone spent an hour talking about shirts in his closet on WDFN. A rabid masturbating monkey on meth could program a better hour of radio. And the powers that be wonder why people have stopped listening to terrestrial radio.

Second, I'm pissed at myself. I should know better by now. Why am I still watching Sportscenter? Why do I even bother? I'm as big a NFL fan as the bext man, but I'M F'N FED UP, as I'm up to here with the NFL draft talk! Nearly 10 minutes of my life was wasted on the Reggie Bush house non-story. I then realized the futility of it all and walked away. But you know what? I'll probably tune in again tomorrow, get pissed, and do the same. Why? There's no better alternative on the tube.

Much more tomorrow...

Rip Hamilton ankle watch: Day 1

I'm sure this ran through every Piston fans mind after seeing Rip Hamilton turn his ankle.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! IS HAMILTON LIMPING? DID HE JUST COME UP LAME? GODDAMMIT, GODDAMMIT, GODDAMMIT! HE IS LIMPING! JESUS H. CHRIST! WHERE'S ARNIE KANDER! IT'S JUST LIKE BILLUPS AGAINST THE NETS IN 2003! THAT FUCKING AUSSIE, BOGUT! KILL HIM! WHO'S GOING TO REPLACE RIP? DELK? DELFNO? WHO? WE'RE SCREWED! WE'RE FUCKED! JESUS! THOSE GODDAMN BUCKS! I NEED A DRINK! OH SHIT, OH SHIT, OH SHIT!"


We can now give thanks to David Stern, the NBA, ESPN, ABC, and TNT for the glacial speed of the playoff first round, allowing two plus days to rehab that ankle. Word on the FOX 2 Sportsworks is that x-rays were negative. Don't forget that we are talking about the Mikwaukee Bucks, a team the Pistons should have no trouble beating them even if Hamilton has to sit a game or two.

Everyone breathe deep, and say, "It's only the Bucks. X-rays were negative. It's only the Bucks. X-rays were negative. It's only the Bucks."

Notes from the La-Z-Boy

I apologize for not posting the last couple of days, but I felt the need to recharge my mental batteries in preperation for the constant barrage of playoff games and resulting coverage that is just now hitting full stride. Just look at today's schedule. It's a huge day for we Detroiters!

Red Wings at 1. Tigers at 4. Pistons at 7. Numerous NBA and NHL playoff games peppered thoughout the day. Is anyone in the area planning on doing anything other than planting their behind in the La-Z-Boy for about 10 hours? Anyone? Unless you are going to the Palace or the Joe, of course.

Even with all the excitement, a few things have been bothering me. For example...

Jim Leyland's absolute refusal to move Chris Shelton or Carlos Guillen up in the order, and plugging in the "Gimp of the day" into the 5 spot. It almost bit Leyland in the ass last night, as the designated gimp was Alexis Gomez. In the 7th, it's a 1 run game with RISP and 2 outs, you have your cleanup hitter, Magglio Ordonez, blatently pitched around. The Gimp Gomez is then totaly overwhelmed in his at bat and strikes out meekly. You then end up with the redheaded God of baseball, Chris Shelton, leading off an inning, rather than coming up with ducks on the pond. The Tigers did win, thanks to their suddenly lights out pitching, despite of the bizarre lineup. Why Leyland insists on Gomez (or Thames, or Infante) batting between 2 of your best hitters is mystifying to me. I blame the nicotine. Leyland needs to give up the Marlboro Reds and look into the Ultra Lights...

Otherwise, the Tigers have been fun as hell to watch. I don't think I'll be able to say that about the Wings-Oliers matchup. I admit that the 2 OT game on Friday was a prime expamle as to why playoff hockey turns hair gray and gives us all ulcers. It's wonderful, even with the side effects. But to get to that point, Edmonton had to muck up the game with their trap. I can't blame the Oilers for their strategy, it's a tried and true one, for both hockey and basketball. When playing a more talented team, slow the game down, sacrifice offense for defense, and wait for the better team to make a make a mistake or have an unlucky bounce, and capitalize. It damn near worked for Edmonton in game 1.

What have I liked so far this weekend? Manny Legacy standing on his head. Steve Yzerman playing like a 37 year old. Joel Zumaya, Joel Zumaya, and Joel Zumaya. Did I mention Joel Zumaya? The kid looks unhittable so far. The Tigers pitching staff in general has looked dominant for the past few games, despite the "Rollercoaster" and his adventurous save on Friday night. Magglio Ordonez beginning to show flashes at the plate. Pudge becoming excited about the Tigers and their chances, rather than sullen and pissed. The Miami Heat looking discombobulated against a Bulls team that shouldn't even be in the same arena with them. The Clippers winning. I hated the Clips tank job at the end of the season, but I dig watching Chris Kaman. 15 and 13 last night against Carmelo and the Nuggets, not bad for a big white stiff from CMU.

What haven't I liked? The Spurs finding the "On" switch. Lebron James chanelling his inner Jordan. He could steal a game or 2 from the Pistons (if it comes to that, as I'm still not sure the Cavs can contain Gilbert Arenas) on pure talent alone. The Wings tendency to take plenty of shots that aren't screened or are just plain easy saves. Sure, Dwayne Roloson had 257 saves Friday, but how many of those were on actual scoring chances? Just a handful. Pavel Datsuyk missing game 1. He's back today, but at what effectiveness? The Wings need him to play well.

I'd like to go on, but it's nearly time for the face off. I'll come back up for air in 12 hours or so. Now where's the remote?

Introducing "The Marlboro performance index"

I witnessed the best at bat I've seen from a Tiger player in recent memory during today's thrilling win against the A's. Brandon Inge's 15 pitch at bat, resulting in a walk to keep a come from behind rally alive was a thing of beauty. Even more impressive was that Inge was behind 0-2 in the count, then battled for 7 minutes, fouling off 9 pitches. Not nearly as dramatic as Dave Bergman's legendary nationally televised 19 pitch at bat against Toronto in 1984, as that ended with Bergman hitting a 3 run home run, but it had it's similarities.

It was so good, that Jim Leyland had something to say about the length of Inge's plate appearance...

Tigers skipper Jim Leyland joked that Inge stood in there so long he had enough time to smoke more than one cigarette.

“One-and-a-half Marlboros,” Leyland said. “That was a tremendous at-bat. He showed great discipline up there. When people see that, they see the way it can be done.”

A one-and-a-half-marlboro at bat. I don't think Leyland could have given Inge any higher praise that that...

In fact, I just may use Leyland's method of game performance measurement from now on. We can call it "The Marlboro performance index." A Pudge Rodriguez one pitch at bat would be a 2 puff appearance. Taking a pitcher to a 3-2 count would be a 1/2 Marlboro battle. A 1-2-3 inning would be 1 cig at best. Measuring speed from home to first would be measured in puffs. "That Nook Logan is fast, he's got 1 puff speed!" Forget the Jugs gun for measuring pitchers. "Zumaya is a 1/2 puff on the Marlboro index." A fastball would be a "Marlboro Red." A nasty curve would be said to have some "Menthol" on it. A change up would be a "Menthol Light." A hanging curve? A "Menthol Mild." A soft tosser like Mike Maroth would be said to have an "Ultra Lights" type of arm.

You could go in other directions with the Marlboro index. For example, a game would not be measured in hours, but in packs. Such as, "10 innings? That was a 2 pack game." A game under 2 hours? 3/4 pack at best. Series would be measured in cartons, obviously. "The Tigers have a 10 carton west coast trip coming up."

The possibilities are endless. When behind, we should forget about rally caps or rally monkeys. We need rally Marlboros. The coaches don't need hand signals, just use cigarette tricks. I can hear Rod Allen now, "Mario, the hit and run is on, Leyland just cut loose with 3 smoke rings..."

In fact, I'd take the Marlboro imagery one more step. Let's get rid of the lame ass "Who's Your Tiger?" marketing. I'd prefer, "Comerica Park is now Marlboro Country! Smoke 'em if ya got 'em..."

"Bring it!" I'd prefer the Red Wings marketers just "Bag it!"

The Red Wings announced their latest slogan for the upcoming Stanley Cup playoffs. And just what is their rallying cry this year?


This is the best the Red Wings marketing department can come up with? "Bring it?" But going back and looking over previous playoff sloganeering, I guess shouldn't have been surprised.

1994: Paint the Town Red - So let's get drunk!

1995: A Call to Arms - And bring your guns!

1996: I Want Stanley - OK, I admit kind of liked this one.

1997: Get Up!! - Huh? Get up out of my seat? We don't do that sort of thing in the lower bowl.

1998: Raise Your Hands - I despised the whole "Raise the roof" stuff.

1999: Are You Ready - For a second round loss...

2000: Bring It On Home - As we have early tee times after another second round knockout.

2001: Get Your Red On - And take it right back off after a first round upset.

2002: Let 'Em See Red - Not on the ice, as no one fights!

2003: Red Storm Rising - More like a labor storm rising.

2004: Turn on the Red Light - Happened about once a game for the Wings in that ugly playoff season.

From reading those over, you'd think that Red Wing fans are drink heavily (On second thought, they do), frequent red light districts, like to raise things, and are revved up by really bad puns. Well, that does describe the Downriver fan base...

But, I mean, come on! "Bring it?" They should just listen to Mickey Redmond, they'd have plenty of rallying cry material. Isn't "Bingo-bango!" tons better than "Bring it?" Or "B.C. two handers for all on our way to the Stanley Cup!" says volumes.

Maybe I'm just getting curmugeonly, but the whole manufactured motto thing just turns me off. Can't things happen naturally anymore? Then again , I'm talking about a team that was successful in co-opting the term "Hockeytown" and running like hell with it. So now the Wings marketing gurus feel that every playoff run needs a lame motto.

So where do the Wings sloganeers go from here? What are we going to get next season? "We got next?" Nope, that's been done by the chicks. "Red Wings suck?" Been done to death out west. Who's your Tiger Wing? Been done badly by the redheaded stepchildren of the Ilitch empire.

My suggestion? STOP! IT! NOW! Please. No more lame ass slogans that don't mean a thing other than an attempt to sell more t-shirts. Isn't having the tradition of the octopus and the legend that goes with it enough? Not according to the Wings, as they long ago had to corrupt our octopi tradition with the montrosity known as "Al the Octopus."



Gordie Howe didn't need a mascot. Ted Lindsay would have punched out a mascot. Roger Crozier didn't need one. Neither did Mickey Redmond.

One of these days the marketers will learn the joys of subtlety. Unfortnately, that day isn't yet here...

Much like Barney Fife, Jim Leyland is a bud nipper

Jim Leyland was hired by Dave Dombrowski to smoke cigarettes and kick ass, and if you go from yesterday's outburst, he's all out of cigs.

But will tipping over tables improve the lackadasical attitude the Tigers showed in losing to the Tribe? Is calling them a bunch of "Lollygaggers" going improve their patience at the plate? Probably not.

Is Pudge Rodrigiuez going to change his free swinging ways because Cigarette Smoking Man raised cain? Will Leyland having a nicotine fit make Nate Robertson a better pitcher? Again, no.

But what Leyland did do is what Barney Fife always said is the best policy. That is, to nip it, nip it in the bud. If there was going to be any shrugging off a crap performance and taking a loss as business as usual, Leyland's performance, and I'm sure there was some premeditation to it, said that was no longer the Tigers modus operandi.

It also showed that the clubhouse is not run by Pudge, not by Da Meat Hook, but by Leyland. He most likely also scared the younger players shiatless. I'm sure that Trammell, Garner, Bell, and Parrish had their share of apoplectic clubhouse fits, but none of them had the cred or the gravitas of MLB's most well known smoker. It's much like Sparky Anderson, as when he was upset, you knew it, you listened, and you best took heed.

Now the question is, will Leyland and his bud nipping, help? Leyland may not change the attitudes of the veterans, the older mercenaries that the Tigers have signed over the past couple of years, but there are plenty of young players on the current roster, and being groomed in the Tiger system, whom will be here long after a Dmitri Young or Pudge Rodrigiuez are gone. It's the Sheltons, Bondermans, Grandersons, Verlanders, and Zumayas that Leyland is going to have major influence over, and will continually drive home the point to the future stars of the franchise that acceptance of losing and a lack of effort will no longer be tolerated.

Jim Leyland, bud nipper, is laying the groundwork for the Tigers a year or two down the road. The lessons learned and philosphies taught over this season will hopefully pay dividends in coming seasons. You can bet your single bullet that those who don't buy into Leyland's program won't be here next year.

As Barney Fife would say...


"Don't just mollycoddle them. Nip it! You go read any book you want on the subject of child player discipline and you'll find every one of them is in favor of bud-nipping."

Hot button topics in the D

Rod Marinelli and his "Discipline." How much difference can Marinelli actually make with his military style breaking down of players? Sure, the Lions need a swift kick in their collective asses, but how far can that take you? Remember the last "Kick ass and take names" coach the Lions hired? Using the bus ticket out of town threat didn't work in the long term for Bobby Ross. All it did was run Barry Sanders straight to retirement, and turned Bobby Ross into a candidate for the looney bin. We all remember Ross' "I'm a GOOD coach," "I don't coach that stuff," and "Abandon ship" quotes. At that point, the entire roster had grown tired of Ross' military style bluster and just tuned him out. Ross had lost the team and damn near lost his marbles. So with that in mind, Marinelli has to walk a fine line between motivating his players or browbeating them into submission. Marinelli may have better luck in the long term if he can use his drill instructor style into making the Lions into a better run organization. Improving game and clock management, for example. Eliminating the defense vs. offense cliques and taking control of the locker room, for another. What really gets my hope up for the season is with Mike Martz, self styled offensive "Super Genius." If the Lions are going to make the playoffs, it won't be due to Marinelli using the sledgehammer of discipline, but because Martz makes better use of the so-called offensive weapons.

Current Pistons vs. the "Bad Boys" Pistons. With the current team bettering the '89 Pistons season win total, we've been hearing comparisons between the two teams. First off, let this current Pistons team win another title first, then let's talk hypotheticals. But...If we had use of Sherman and Peabody's "Wayback Machine" and the '06 and '89 Pistons could play each other, it wouldn't even be a contest. The "Bad Boys" win any series in a walk. The "Bad Boys" might lose a game, but talent and a Hall of Fame coach wins out. The current Pistons go 7 deep, if you feel like being generous. They also play in a watered down version of the NBA. The late 80's Pistons went 9-10 deep, and that's not being generous. My God, forget that the old school Pistons had a Hall of Fame backcourt, but they had a should be Hall of Famer, Dennis Rodman, coming off the bench. That alone should tell you that the NBA may have been at it's talent peak during the Celtics-Lakers-Pistons-Bulls era. So all the young whippersnappers that think the current Pistons are the best ever need to get up to speed on their basketball history.

Is Chris Shelton a baseball GOD? No. Is he for real? Yes. Will he lead the majors in home runs and RBI? No, especially if Jim Leyland inexplicably keeps batting Shelton 6th. Do the Tigers have their 1st baseman of the present and future? Damn straight. All Tiger fans were hoping that Shelton would turn into the kind of player that could consistently put up a .300 average, 25-30 home runs, and 100 RBI. Looks like that's what the Tigers have on their hands. Shelton won't be the next coming of Babe Ruth, but more like the next coming of Norm Cash. In other words, an All Star caliber 1st baseman who mans the position for the next decade. There's not a damn thing wrong with that...

The Red Wings win the President's Cup and clinch playoff home ice, but no one seems to care. I wouldn't say that no one cares, but the buzz sure isn't there. There is a knowgeable core fan base in Detroit, more so than most any American city. But that fan base isn't near as large as the other Big 3 sports in town. For the most part, nearly all of us have played competive baseball, football, and basketball, up through high school and/or rec league level at least. But how many of us have played any type of hockey? Not me, and I'm not counting floor hockey in gym class. Hockey's a great sport, probably the best to watch in person. But it's still a niche sport, even in what's considered a "Hockey Mad" town. Once the playoffs start, interest in the Wings will ratchet up considerably, even if some of their games will be broadcast on a network that's best known for covering bike racing and Ted Nugent reality shows. I also don't think it's a stretch to say that the Wings will, deservedly or not, take a back seat to the Pistons playoff run. But could you picture the insanity if the Lions or Tigers had the best overall record and had home field thru the playoffs? There'd be 10 times the interest. Hell, maybe 50 times. Just look at the excitement the Tigers 5-0 start generated. Detroit, as much as hockey, and basketball for that matter, is loved here, is a football-baseball town. So people do care, just not as much as the hardcore hockey fans and puck bunnies would like to think. Steve Yzerman may be #1 in a Detroit fan's heart, but his sport isn't.

Inside the minds of the Detroit Tigers

Jim Leyland: I need a smoke, goddammit! I NEED A F'N SMOKE! How long was that contract I signed? Oh yeah, 3 years till I can retire in style. Screw that, I NEED A SMOKE!

Pudge Rodriguez: Ball 1? Bullshiat! There's no such thing as a ball, taking a walk is disrespecting my Pudge-liness. I HAVE A STATUE!

Carlos Guillen: Ouch! Dammit! Maaaan, here we go again. Was that my back, knee, elbow, ankle, neck, toe, foot, finger, thumb, wrist, chest, shoulder, or groin?

Magglio Ordonez: IhateOzzieIhateOzzieIhateOzzieIhateOzzieIhateOzzie.
That Guillen can kiss my Venezuelan ass! Wha? Damn, how did I not swing at the first pitch? Won't happen in my next at bat. IhateOzzieIhateOzzieIhateOzzieIhateOzzieIhateOzzieIhateOzzie.

Dmitri Young: What's being served at the post game buffet? I got dibs on the wings. They best have 5 kinds of dip or there's going to be clubhouse Hell to pay! Diet my ass! Don't the Tigers know I hit better when I weigh close to 3 bills?

Placido Polanco: I think my head just grew another 2 hat sizes. I gotta call Barry Bonds and ask how he deals with it.

Brandon Inge: Does anyone not know I can hit a golf ball over 300 yards? It was in all the papers! But why can't my golf skills translate to base....Damn it, dropped another grounder! Shiat! Just threw it over Shelton's head!

Craig Monroe: Hmmm, I hear there's a nice selection of belts over at Somerset Mall.

Kenny Rogers: CAMERA! Duck! Good thing my "Camdar" seems to be working.

Chris Shelton: I AM A GOD! A REDHEADED GOD! A GOD OF THE DIAMOND, I TELL YOU! NOW BRING ME MANY VIRGINS! REDHEADED VIRGINS!

Todd Jones: Ain't none of them gay boys around, is there? Don't want 'em being all proud, rubbing that gayness in my face! Hey, ya really want to know why I signed with the Tigers? With that Denise Ilitch gone from the front office, I can call 'em the "Ilitch Kids" all I want!

Bobby Seay: If I wasn't left handed, would I be in the majors?

Joel Zumaya: This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.

Chris Spurling: I'm having an existential crisis. Why? Why am I here? Oh yeah, Todd Jones is on the DL.

Jamie Walker: At this rate, my arm will fall off in game 142.

Jordan Tata: I'm not named after BOOBS! Why doesn't anyone believe me? If I hear "Bodadious Tata" one more time...

Marcus Thames: I still can't believe they kept Bobby Higginson over me. I still can't believe they kept Bobby Higginson over me. I still can't believe they kept Bobby Higginson over me.

Vance Wilson: If I lose 25 pounds, I just might hit my weight this season.

Omar Infante: ¡Mis daños del hombro! ¡Otra vez!

Mike Maroth: So too can my fastball break a pane of glass. It just needs to be cracked beforehand.

Nate Robertson: You have to go thru a batting order more than once when you're a starter? Who knew?

Jason Grilli: Even I don't know who in the Hell I am.

Justin Verlander: How's it feel to win my first game? It feels out there. I mean, it's a major rush. I mean, it feels radical in kind of a tubular sort of way, but most of all, it feels out there.

Ramon Santiago: Seattle traded Carlos Guillen for ME?

Fernando Rodney: Hee! Even I laugh at my name! Hee!

Curtis Granderson: How many years till I'm eligible for free agency?

Paws: I'd kill to be a cool as the Phillie Phanatic.

Reading between the lines with Dre' Bly

With the start of Lions mini camp, Dre' Bly decided to set the record straight. A post in Terry Foster's Detroit News blog has some choice Bly quotes in regard to his throwing Joey Harrington under the bus when talking to the national media last season.

Let's break down what Bly said, and what he actually meant...

"It doesn't matter as long as they're one of my teammates."

Unless that teammate doesn't perform how I think they should, just ask Joey Harrington.

"I just want to win."

I want to win my way. And get paid.

"We want to win as a team."

Team? It's all about me.

"I don't have issues with anybody."

Except Joey Harrington, Dick Jauron and his defensive schemes, and for that matter, anyone else that doesn't agree with me. You listening, Kitna and McCown?

"The one thing people don't understand is I am a competitor and I'm here to compete and I'm here to win."

I sure can talk a good game, and I must be a competitor cause I said it TWICE.

"I am glad."

That's Joey's ass is looong gone.

"We are here to win and move forward."

We didn't win because of Joey, it wasn't my fault. Now stop asking me about it.

"I wish Joey the best, man"

I'm sooo glad that 1st round bust is gone, man.

"I have nothing against Joey as a person."

He blows as a QB, though.

"That is the one thing everybody tried to make it seem like I had bad feelings for Joey."

I didn't seem to have bad feelings for Joey, I DID have bad feelings for Joey. C'mon, it was obvious!

"I did not hate Joey."

I despised Joey, may he burn in the bowels of Hell for causing Mooch to get the ziggy.

"I liked Joey."

I like it that he's gone. He got my buddy Mooch fired, you know...

"He was a cool cat."

That pussy wasn't so cool in the pocket, did you see his happy feet?

"I just want to win."

Why on earth did I sign with Detroit if I wanted to win? Oh yeah, Millen cut me a check that was worth twice my actual market value.

"We want to win as a team."

If I didn't say something like, "There's no I in team," Marinelli was going to kick my ass to next week.

"I wish Joey the best but we have new guys in here."

Joey can eat shiat and die, Kitna and McCown best watch their P's and Q's...

"We have a new coaching staff."

Who won't be kissing my ass as Mooch did. I miss Mooch already.

"We have to move forward and hopefully get the job done."

As long as I get my share of stats, I'm doing my job, screw the rest of 'em. I'll throw 'em all under the damn bus, just you watch. Tell Martz I want to play some wide reciever when you see him, OK? And if you see Millen, tell him if he doesn't want to meet the bus, no more 1st round wide outs, he best get me some help on defense. One more thing, if Marinelli doesn't let me freelance, I'll go all Lavarr Arrington on his ass.

It's going to be a fun offseason in Allen Park.

Wary of whiplash? Then stay away from a Tigers message board

You have to love message boards for their entertainment value alone. Where else can people have mood swings like Sybil with a bad case of PMS?

The Tigers start 5-0, and expectations suddenly rise to inexplicably high levels.

The pitching looks damn good! Chris Shelton looks great, they won't miss Calos Pena. Pudge is back! Chris Shelton is an All-Star! That sure was smart of Dave Dombrowski to sign (Pudge, Magglio, Todd Jones, The Gamber) as a free agent. Chris Shelton is Zeus. Bonderman is going to win 20! Chris Shelton is Buddha. Verlander is the next coming of Cy Young! Chris Shelton is Allah. Zumaya looks unhitable! Chris Shelton is Jesus Christ. The lineup looks like the best in the division. Chris Sheton is God. Dmitri Young looks good now that he's slimmed down. Chris Shelton is the ALMIGHTY. Jim Leyland is a professional manager, makes all the right moves. Chris Shelton is the shiznit. Where's the line start for World Series tickets? S doesn't stand for Shelton, it stands for SUPERMAN!

The Tigers lose the next 2, in well played games mind you, and you'd think it was 2003 again.

The Tigers SUCK! The only reason they were 5-0 was due the fact that KC and Texas SUCK! Chris Shelton left a couple of runners on in scoring position, he SUCKS!. Pudge is on the decline, he SUCKS! They need another left handed bat, not having Carlos Pena SUCKS! Dmitri Young is so fat he SUCKS! Why did Dave Dombrowski sign (Pudge, Magglio, Todd Jones, The Gamber) to such a horrible contract that SUCKS! When will Tata and Zumaya repleace Robertson and Maroth in the rotation, cause they SUCK! Zumaya, Tata, and Verlander were rushed to the majors, and now they are going to SUCK! Leyland is a washed up retread, he SUCKS! Here we go again, same old Tigers, they SUCK!

Just wait, if the Tgers win the next 2 from the Sox, the pendulum will swing back again. The Tigers will be the team to beat in the Central. Till the next losing streak...

So where do the 2006 Detroit Tigers stand after 7 games? If you read message boards, you'd think they were either the 1927 New York Yankees or the 1969 Seattle Pilots.

Sparky Anderson was a very wise man, wise beyond his years. He always said that you can't tell anything about a team till they have played 40 games. Sparky also said, "Problem with Wockenfuss getting on base is that it takes three doubles to score him," but that's another post.

In other words, it's way too early in the season to know what direction this team will head. I've liked what I've seen so far, for the most part. There finally looks the be a young, core nucleus in place, with Shelton, Granderson, Bonderman, Verlander, Zumaya, and Rodney, with more to come from the minor leagues. A lineup that looks tough, 1-9. Solid pitching, with the young guys pulling their share of the load. Not a single error has been committed, which is very encouraging sign of an improved defense.

But still, there are warning signs. A low on base percentage for one, which has been this teams achilles for years. Very little depth, exaserbated by the strange disappearance of Omar Infante. Is his shoulder bad or not? If he's not hurt, why play no-hit Ramon Santiago when resting Polanco? This is a team that can't afford any long term injuries.

But how can you complain at this point? Other than on a message board, that is... Signs point to a team that will play .500 or better ball and there will be some meaningful games after the All-Star break. When was the last time a Tiger fan could seriously say that? (Don't say the 2000 Tigers, as no one actually believed that was a wild card team) Unfortunately, the Tigers now play in MLB's version of a Murder's Row, the AL Central. Put the Tigers in the NL West, and you might have a playoff team. Playoff team or not, this is the best I've felt about a Tiger team since the early 90's.

Even if the Tigers play like professionals, and have the right attitude, that can only carry you so far. To quote the sage Sparky Anderson again...

"If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good attitude. If it has a good attitude, it will make a commitment to playing the game right. If it plays the game right, it will win...Unless, of course, it doesn't have enough talent to win, and no manager can make goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry?"

Is Ben Wallace a bad guy, or just badly misguided?

The big local story of the weekend wasn't just the Tigers hot start or the Wings setting a road win record. What has everyone talking are the actions of Ben Wallace, or should I say, lack thereof. In one of his semi-annual fits of pique, Ben blows off Flip Saunders and refuses to go back into a close game with the Magic that the Pistons end up losing.

In watching the end of the game Friday night, I was wondering where were Wallace X2, and why in the hell was Jason Maxiel on the floor? At the time, all I could come up with was injury (which was the case with 'Sheed) and Flip wanting to see what the bench could do in crunch time. But Chris McCosky's article the next day about Ben pulling a Scottie Pippen was an eye opener, which then explained Flip's odd 4th quarter substitutions.

Now I was torn. Not that I was ever a fan of Jordan's overrated caddy to begin with, but I've ragged Pippen at every opportunity, always bringing up his refusal to go back in a game. Am I a hypocrite if I cut Ben Wallace the slack that I would never give Pippen? Probably. But it's Ben Wallace we're talking about, not Jordan's caddy. Wallace has a history of giving his all and leaving everything on the court. At the very least, Wallace is owed a 2nd chance from the fans.

It's not as if we haven't seen Big Ben go off when he feels slighted or ignored before. It's well known that Wallace hated his lack of a role in Rick Carlise's offense, where he was told to just stay out of the way and crash the boards. Remember his playoff funk of last season, where his wife supposedly, more or less, told him to get his head out of his ass and just play? Or even earlier this year, when Wallace voiced his disapproval over the Pistons' sometimes lackadasical play and his lack of touches in the offense?

The local media says that it was a one time thing, just Wallace's way of getting his point across in regard to his lack of involvement in the offense. Joe Dumars' personal media mouthpiece, Wobb Parker, says that's exactly what it was, it was just Wallace's odd way of protesting.

Wallace had reason to be frustrated. In his three previous games before Sunday, Wallace hadn't played well offensively, averaging 3.3 points and making just 2 of 9 free throws. He just didn't feel a part of the offense.

My first thought was to fine or suspend Wallace. Joe Average acts like Wallace on the job, and he's told to not let the door hit him on the ass on his way out. But we aren't in the NBA, where it's a totally different world from yours and mine. As Chuck Daly used to say, at that level, you aren't so much a coach, but a manager of 12 different corporations.

The Wallace Corporation is the face of the Pistons franchise, one that's one the verge of winning a championship. Not to forget the fact that Wallace is in a contract year, and there are a few teams that could dangle a max contact in front of Ben. So would handling Wallace's insubordination behind closed doors be a better way of managing the situation? Save everyone further embarassment and from airing dirty laundry in the media? To take a page from Festivus and air their grievances in private? From the looks of it, that's just what happened.

There's been no public apology issued from Wallace, and claims he has no regrets. Flip says he has already moved forward, it's water under the bridge, there's no rift between Ben and himself. The rest of the locker room has seemed to have already moved on as well, feeling that Ben's reaction to being pulled from the game is just something that happens during the grind of a long season. Not a peep has been heard from the front office, Joe Dumars in particular. Unless you consider Parker's column the unofficial official word, one that was most likely leaked to him from the front office...

So...Is all's well that ends well? Was it Ben just being Ben? Or is Ben Wallace's unhappiness something that bears further watching? As long as the Pistons continue to win, a multitude of sins will be covered up. For one day, all was forgotten, if not forgiven. Yesterday, the Pistons destroyed the Pacers with Ben having a huge game on the boards. What was noticable is that early on, some ally oop plays were run that looked specifically designed for Wallace. That's straight out of Larry Brown's big bag o' tricks.

We can only hope this was just a blip on the radar, a speed bump on the road to a world title. Wallace was pissed off and felt that sitting was the best, if not the most appropriate way, to get his point across. Point was taken. And we all know that a pissed off, something to prove Ben Wallace is a force to be reckoned with, as the Pacers learned Sunday. In the end, the protest just tarnishes Ben's previously unblemished reputation. Wallace's rep won't be affected all that much, but the fans will watch him with a more critical eye.

TWFE channels the Kings. Not Sacramento, but Larry and Peter

I'm going to go all USA Today style Larry King and MMQB-like Peter King on you and go off on several unrelated tangents..

10. Van Halen with Sammy Hagar was better than Van Halen with DLR. Not that VH/DLR was bad, not at all. But then again, I'm prejudiced. I've always been a fan of the Red Rocker from waaay back in the Montrose days. So I'm old, what's it to ya? As if I need to remind you that noted rock critic Homer Simpson put it best, "Everyone knows rock n' roll attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact."

9. Fantasy sports are overtly geeky and anal. When you are comparing the relative merits of the 4th starters of Milwaukee and Arizona, checking out their WHIP, you are a fantasy sports geek. Unfortunately, that geek be me.

8. TWFE household recently installed a 120 gig DVR, the bastardized Comcast cable version of a Tivo. I thought people were using more than a little hyperbole when they said that a DVR/Tivo would change the way you watch TV. "Pshaw" was the exact word I used. After having one for a week, learning how to unlock the 30 second skip function, and how to best use 2 seperate tuners, what do I think of the DVR acolytes now? I can say this...I never plan to leave the house again.

7. The baseball world does NOT revolve around the Yankees and the BoSox, despite what ESPN (the absolute worst offender) and other national media would have you think. But then I'm a Tiger fan, and no one pays attention to us. No one at all. But things are looking up, as Craig Monroe was on the phone with the "Baseball Tonight" guys last night! Next thing you know, they may have a Tiger on that new fangled technology called "Video."

6. I hate to admit my net nerdness, but I spend some time on internet message boards. Honestly, I do...God forbid. So it's message board pet peeve time. I hate with a passion posts such as, "Here comes a flamewar," "I'm off to get marshmallows," "I'm putting on my flame retardant underwear," or anything else that fans the flames of an anticipated flamewar. The same goes for headlines that add, "Flamewar to ensue" or pics of flamethrowers and explosions. Add to the discussion, or at least be a little more creative folks. Please. Let me add that "BWAAHAHAHAHA!" and emoticons annoy me to no end as well... While I'm going off on this, does anyome else despise Leet speak and net shorthand? Oh yeah, ONE more thing. Learn how to God damn spell, people! Now you kids get off my lawn before I call your parents!

5. The funniest man ever placed on the face of this earth was Curly Howard. No arguments. If you try, you won't win. By the way, Shemp Howard is criminally underrated. We shall NEVER speak of Joe Besser or Joe DeRita. NEVER.

4. I finally weaned myself away from the old and busted that is IE and have fully embraced the new hotness that is Firefox. Why the Hell I waited so long to fully switch is anybody's guess. Afraid of change, I guess. I thank the people that constantly sung the praises of Firefox and finally convinced me to check it out. You are now preaching to the choir. I rarely use IE anymore. Tabbed browsing and customizable extensions are the best thing since twist cap beer bottles and the remote control. Well, maybe not the remote control. Or the DVR! Did I say that a DVR is the shiznit?

3. Best late night snack? Little Debbie Nutty Bars and a glass of ice cold milk.

2. Golf purists and snobs will cringe when they read this but...I can't help but root for John Daly. I always look for Big John's name on the leaderboard. He drinks, he gambles, he smokes, he has fun on the course, just like the people I play golf with. I enjoy watching players like Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, but they don't get me as emotionally involved in a tournament in the same way as Daly does when he's playing well. I'll be watching the Masters, no matter what. It's great, dramatic TV, just go back to Mickelson's back 9 in 2004 and the Woods/DiMarco duel in 2005. But if John Daly was in the hunt on the back 9 Sunday? You wouldn't be able to tear your eyes away. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like he's going to make the weekend. If he makes the cut or not, either way, I'm sure Daly will be at a Hooters, ogling the chicks and having a few beers. Just like guys we all know.

1. Why anyone would watch Jay Leno over David Letterman is beyond me. Long, long ago, Leno was one of of the best stand ups around. Just watch some of the old Letterman "Late Night" shows as proof. I loved to watch whenever Leno was on Letterman, it was true must see TV. Dave would set Leno up with, "Jay, what's you're beef?" Leno would then go off on a kick ass 10 minute rant. I still remember some of his punch lines to this day. "It was like looking into the eye of a chicken." Well, you had to be there... But Leno today? He's nothing but bad pop culture jokes, unfunny recurring skits, lame presidential humor, and funny (being a relative term) headlines. Let's not forget his awful interview skills. Say what you will about David Letterman, that's he's an aquired taste, that he's toned down his act over the years. But he still makes me laugh. I can't say that about Jay Leno.

THE NFL SCHEDULE IS HERE! THE NFL SCHEDULE IS HERE!

Navin R. Johnson getting his name in the phone book is about as noteworthy as the NFL schedule getting released. It's good to know, but does it really mean much of anything on April 6th, when the season doesn't start till September?

Come on now, people! The NFL is a master of hype, and we are their willing sheep. It's that quiet time between the rush of free agent signings, and the draft. So to keep their PR people busy and the the league in the headlines, here comes next season's schedule!

The message boards, web sites, sports talk radio all sound alike... OH MY GOD! The Lions' schedule has been released! Are they on national TV? WOOOOOOoooooo....Umm...Whatever.

Rosters are far from being finalized. The draft isn't till the end of the month. You know there will be holdouts. Teams will be releasing their cap casualties in early June. Training camp doesn't start till the end of July. Then there will be injuries to factor into any prediction. It won't be till August before you'll have a better idea as to how your favorite team is shaping up. But making predictions in April? It's a waste of time and effort. Think about it, Joey Harrington is still on the Lions' roster. That's how far away we are from the regular season.

Despite not knowing what the rosters will be, it doesn't stop the media at large from doing one of their annual exercises in pointless filler, projecting a a team's win - loss record from looking at the newly released schedule. We all know how well most people do in picking games when the season starts. Sports books make money for good reason. Why bother going thru the schedule, game by game, and picking winners in April? Or highlighting supposed late season big games? Other than Biff Tannen, who knows what's going to happen?

This doesn't bother the WWLiS, as ESPN is bringing out all their clueless talking heads on ESPN News, SportsCenter, and on the web site. As if I'm going to take any creedence in a Joe Theisman prediction... Sports Illustrated is just as culpable, they have columnists all over their website picking the top 10 matchups or letting us know what teams have the toughest schedules. IT'S APRIL! Jesus! Things change! What appears to be tough scheduling now may be cupcake city in November...

Obviously the NFL isn't crazy, and knows exactly what they're doing. It's the first week of MLB's regular season, the Masters began today, and the NBA and NHL are coming down the playoff stretch. But what will be above the fold in tomorrow's paper? The NFL schedule. The NFL is as crazy as a damn fox, and we fans continue to lap it up...

What's it like to be a Detroit sports fan?

In the words of Stimpson J. Cat, it's nothing but "Happy happy joy joy!" to be a fan of sports in the D. It's getting harder and harder to be a "Nattering Nabob of Negativity." And why is that?

Because the sun is currently shining brightly upon the Detroit sports fan. Joey Blue Skies is no longer the Lions QB, the Pistons have clinched the East and have a 3 game lead for overall home court, the Red Wings are on the verge of setting a record for road wins in a season while having a near lock on the President's Cup, and the Tigers are off to a rip roaring 2-0 start. We have 3 teams all alone in first place. Could it get any better? Let's count the ways...

Pudge Rodriguez has looked like the bad ass Pudge of 2004, not the hacker Pudge of 2005.

Joel Zumaya may be the next coming of Goose Gossage.

Jeremy Bonderman and The Gambler were dominating in their first starts.

Chris Shelton is channelling his inner Tony Gwynn.

Carlos Guillen is healthy (knock on wood) and playing like a top tier shortstop again.

'Sheed finally got his 16th tech, the Pistons didn't miss a step, we can now all stop talking about it.

Chauncey Billups is back (as if he ever left) in the NBA MVP race after totally outplaying Steve Nash in their head to head match up.

Antonio McDyess and Steve Yzerman are playing like they never had multiple surgeries on their knees.

Tony Delk, another Joe Dumars roster coup, has made everyone forget about Carlos Arroyo.

The Darko drama has ended.

Joe Dumars was elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame.

Rod Marinelli and Jim Leyland are chewing gum and kicking ass (and in Leyland's case, smoking like a chimney), just what their respective teams need.

Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsuk have stepped up and have become the great players the Wings hierarchy always thought they would be.

Old Brendan Shanahan and ancient Chris Chelios are playing like a young Brendan Shanahan and a merely old Chris Chelios.

Nicklas Lidstom is still playing like Nicklas Lidstrom.

Ken Holland has proved that he's more than just hockey's version of Brian Cashman, and doesn't need an umlimited budget to put together a great team.

I'm aware this light-headed feeling could be, and probably is, temporary. Let's enjoy it while we can, as the NFL Draft and Matt Millen lurk around the corner. I'm sure Matt Millen will find a way to harsh my mellow...

Rambling on about the Tigers, 24, and the NCAA's...

Anything and everything I say in regard to the Tigers opener should be prefaced with, "Let's not get too excited, remember that they were playing the Royals."

Scoring 3 runs on 9 hits, with the majority of the offense coming from 6-9 in the order, isn't going to cut it. But it's nice to ponder how good the offense could look if the meat of the lineup hits as they should.

Kenny Rogers looked like the front line starter that the Tigers need him to be. But is he capable of pitching that well over an entire season? Half a season, sure. Till October, I can't say with any certainty.

Magglio Ordonez looked so eager to live up to his contract and past stats, that he was ready to swing at anything that was near the plate. Which he did on two one pitch plate appearances. He's better than that, and he knows it. I just hope Maggs doesn't start to press.

Pudge Rodriguez walked? I'm positive that's a sign of the coming apocolyspe.

I realize that, at the start of the season, Jim Leyland has to bat Pudge in the 3 spot to keep him, and his massive ego, in check. But Pudge is not a #3 hitter anymore. The fans know it, Leyland knows it, but does Pudge? This is something that bears close watch, to see how Leyland handles moving Pudge down in the order. Because it's going to happen. Sooner than later.

How long does Chris Shelton last in the #6 slot? I'm hoping by May, he's hitting in the 3 hole. You cannot leave that good a bat that low in the order for a significant amount of time.

Brandon Inge's slide to nowhere left me speechless. Possibly the worst attempt at a stand up slide in the history of MLB. Possibly in the history of mankind. Don't they practice sliding in MLB anymore?

Joel Zumaya lived up to the considerable hype for one day. The kid was thowing BB's and making KC's AAAA lineup look silly for two innings. It was the first time I've seen Zumaya pitch, and he did not disappoint. One game is not a good sample size, but it sure looks like he's got "It." The raving we heard from the baseball scribes during the spring suddenly seems more than just hypebole.

Curtis Granderson, on the other hand, he had an awful day, 0-5 with 3 K's. But again, it's just one game and Grandy did have a great spring. Plus, he's not Nook Logan...

Carlos Guillen legging out an infield hit was more impressive to me than his home run to center field. Last season, Guillen never ran anywhere close to that well. We know he can hit, it's his mobility and health that will be a constant nagging concern.

Fernando Rodney looked like a more than capable closer. Could the Tigers have wasted money on Todd Jones? Nah...

We should enjoy watching the Tigers on TV opening day and at the home opener next week. I figure with their horrible TV deal, we won't see the Tigers again till mid June.

I'll admit it, I gradually lost interest in the NCAA final last night. And by gradually, I mean almost immeadiately. It was obvious within the first 10 minutes that Florida was the better coached and more athletic team. It didn't help that I knew the tip wouldn't be till 9:20ish, and I could give two shaits about Billy Packer's pre game analysis. So I flipped to "24" at 9, even though I had the DVR set to record it.

If Jack Bauer says, "I'm scared," we should all be...

I knew that Audrey Raines had to do something to stay in CTU and help Jack save humanity. So she had to burn Bill Buchanan by signing the letter Homeland Security developed to smear him and CTU. Bill looked soooo hurt walking out.

Homeland Security as evil drones all dressed alike was an absolute hoot. Imagery that was as subtle as a sledgehammer.

Since the death of Edgar (May Chloe's soul mate rest in peace), Secret Service Agent Pierce has become my favorite charater. I think he could give Jack Bauer a run when it comes to total bad-assedness.

President Logan is behind the conspiracy on "24?" NO! F'N! WAY! It has to be the hawkish Laura Palmer's dad / BOB VP Gardner! Right? Logan is an ineffectual bumbling approval hound bureaucrat. He's not that smart! Or is he?

According to bauercount.com, Jack Bauer had 5 confirmed kills last night. That now gives Jack a total of 24 through 16 hours. He's more than halfway to breaking last season's record 44 kills. But there's only 8 hours left. At his current rate of 1.5 kills per hour, Jack Bauer is on a 36 kill pace. The 44 kills record can be broken, if Jack can raise his average kill rate to the elusive 2 kills per hour. Keep your fingers crossed!

As much fun as the previous two weeks of the NCAA's were, there was nothing fun about the Final Four. Florida played about as well as a team could, but watching their "Perfect game" (as Billy Packer called it) removed any sense of drama halfway through the first half. It became a UCLA death watch at that point.

Is it just me, or is "One Shining Moment" one of the cheesiest songs ever recorded? That tune has not aged gracefully. Not that it was all that good to begin with... "One Shining Moment" may be the so-called "Anthem" of the NCAA tournament, but come on. It sounds more and more like an sappy relic, a shining example of the worst type of 80's music.

After watching the Tigers, "24," and the NCAA's, what was the best part of the whole night? As soon as the NCAA's ended, there would be no more Billy Packer polluting the airwaves till next November.

And may I offer my congatulations to Ian for kicking all our asses in the blogger bracket pool. I have been shamed...

If ifs and buts were hits and health, we'd all have merry season

It's opening day, and the Tigers have sucked me in...again. You know, hope springs eternal, every team starts 0-0, anyone can win, all the platitudes we fans tell ourselves to convince us that it won't be another season of futility. And I'd like to believe them. Do the Tigers have a snowball's chance in hell of contending for the wild card? Sure, if everything, and I mean everything, goes their way. It will come down to those pesky ifs and buts.

In other words, "The Tigers can contend if" and "But the Tigers won't contend because."

If Pudge Rodriguez isn't on the decline.
But catchers almost always decline in their early 30's.

If Magglio Ordonez and Carlos Guillen stay healthy.
But neither have shown over the past 2 seasons that they will.

If age doesn't catch up with the Gambler and the Rollercoaster.
But the Rollercoaster is already on the DL.

If Chris Shelton continues to hit as consistently as he did last season.
But can he hit for the power that is needed from a big time first baseman?

If Brandon Inge dosen't wear out in the second half of the seaon.
But the season splits show he always slumps after the break.

If Curtis Granderson, Justin Verlander, and Joel Zumaya live up to their more than considerable potential.
But they all may be a year away, especially Verlander and Zumaya.

If Nate Robertson pitches like it's 2004.
But his 2005 was absolutely awful.

If Jeremy Bonderman has his breakout season and wins 20 games.
But last season was supposed to be his breakout season.

If Mike Maroth finds a way to win more than he loses.
But he hasn't found a way to be anything more than .500 pitcher over his entire career.

If Vance Wilson can be a quality backup catcher to give Pudge the rest he needs.
But Wilson couldn't hit Nook Logan's weight last season.

If Omar Infante can become a super sub, being a quality back up at 3 infield positions and also playing centerfield.
But his shoulder still isn't healthy, it wasn't healthy last season either.

If Dmitiri Young, who's in a contract year, can have a big season at the plate and not hurt the team when he plays the field.
But he was a clubhouse cancer last season and can he really play third and left?

If Craig Monroe continues to steadily improve.
But he's never shown he has the ability to be nothing more than an average, at best, corner outfielder.

If Marcus Thames can consistently hit for the power he has shown during his short MLB stints.
But he's always been considered nothing more than a AAAA player.

If Jim Leyland can keep a lid on a clubhouse that has been fractured for several seasons.
But does Leyland still have the fire in his belly that is required to ride herd over 25 egos, some that are absolutely massive?

If they get some breaks, and the Tigers are a team that is overdue for more than a few, they can contend for a wild card spot.
But when was the last time that happened?

Wild card contenders, or the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked? Part 3

Click to read Parts 1 and 2.

Part 3 of " Wild card contenders, or the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked" will cover the bullpen. My preview is 8 words: "I have no idea how they will do."

Honest. I don't have a clue. For a perfect example of how mercurial a bullpen can be, just go back 12 months. Remember last season, when all Tiger fans thought the bullpen would be a team strength with Kyle Farnsworth, Uggie Urbina, and Troy Precival? The starters would just need to get thru 6 innings and the "FUP" system would close out the 7th, 8th, and 9th. Start chalking up the holds, saves, and wins! Umm...Yeah, that sure went as planned. As we all know, the "FUP" system lasted all of a few weeks, due to injury (Percival), insanity (Uggie), and trades (Uggie and Farnsworth). Percival is now working as the highest paid advance scout in history. Farnsworth took his fastball and flaky demeanor to Atlanta, where he gave up one of the biggest home runs in Astros history, then to free agency, and ended up with the Yankees. Uggie chanelled Marcellus Wallace and is currently rotting in a Venezuelan prison on attempted murder charges. The Uggie for Placido Polanco trade looks even better now, doesn't it?

With "FUP" just an unpleasant memory, the Tigers had to rebuild their bullpen. Dave Dombrowski started by signing a 38 year old closer who caused Tiger fans to grow more than their fair share of gray hairs from 1997 to 2001, Todd "Rollercoaster" Jones. Talk about a risky 2 year signing. Do you trust a closer who had 5 saves, total, while bouncing around MLB from 2001 to 2004, then suddenly blew up for 40 (!) saves with the Marlins in 2005? The Tigers asking any remotely level headed Tiger fan to think Jones can repeat his 2005 over 2 more seasons is asking for a high level of denial. What's the odds of the 'Coaster continuing to pitch at an elite level? For even 1 season? 50/50? 20/80? Your guess is as good as mine.

The dominos have already started to fall in regard to the 2006 pen. The Rollercoaster pulled his hammy on the last day of spring training. He's now in the 15 day DL. He of the 12 career saves and surgically rebuilt arm, unproven Fernando Rodney, suddenly becomes the closer. Unproven fireballer Joel Zumaya, either the closer of the future, or a rotaion mainstay, depending on who you want to believe, is on the staff as a middle relief man. We're all waiting to see what direction the Tigers will send him.

Who else will be sitting in the pen? Chris Spurling. That name inspires a total lack of confidence. Jason Grilli. Who? Bobby Seay. Once again, who? Jordan Tata. The Tigers 2005 minor league pitcher of the year, called up to take Jones' roster spot, is utterly unproven at the MLB level. Then there is Jamie Walker, who's again slotted as the designated "Get out 1 or 2 left handed hitters in the 6th thru 8th inning" position. At least that job is covered with a proven arm.

So from my relief pitcher count, that gives the Tigers 1 aged closer on the DL, 1 never will be, 2 who in the hell are these guys and why are they on the Tigers, 3 prospects who are totally unproven at the MLB level, and 1 very good situational lefty.

So I'm not all that enthuisiastic about the Tigers opening day bullpen.

Then again, I thought the Tigers would have a great bullpen in 2005. As a bullpen is always in constant a state of flux, the odds are pretty damn good that more than half the pitchers currently in the pen won't be by the end of the season.

So when it comes to the Tiger bulllpen, I have one suggestion. Cross your fingers and hope...